I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
