I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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