Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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