really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
