Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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