You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
