i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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