Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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