I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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