Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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