look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
