I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize