tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
