I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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