genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
and you fell through a lawn chair
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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