Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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