Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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