I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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