Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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