i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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