we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
