I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
