he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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