whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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