i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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