I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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