I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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