Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
