Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
