Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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