I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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