In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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