Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
