You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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