i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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