you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
