he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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