Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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