the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
