Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Enjoy the penises
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
