Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
