I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
