She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
