Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
