You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
