Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
