why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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