:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
