Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
