5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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