How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
