just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
