What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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