On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I looked at my own cervix.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You may now shotgun with the bride
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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