3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
