the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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