I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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