I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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