you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Did I show you my penis last night?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't deserve a penis
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
