just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
