fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
