Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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