so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
