The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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