I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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