I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
