You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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