On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
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I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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