I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Randomize
