hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
