Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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