But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize