You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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