Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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