...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
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