You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
