i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
