Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
